Facing the Brokeness
We kept saying this is not the story we wanted for our lives, for our family, for our marriage, but here we are in the middle of a story that has me broken from the inside out. I know without a doubt we serve a good good Father, and He gives and takes away in His time and often in ways we cannot understand or fully comprehend, however He has been faithful in my life and has met me in my worst moments, Monday being the worst of them yet, my heart hurts, and the pain is very real it washes over my soul and I feel empty, in denial or as if I’m living in a nightmare and yet I can still sit here and feel his peace, joy and hope in my soul for His promises never fail.
Am I ready to share our story of brokenness? I don’t think anyone could ever say yes, but what I am ready to share is the beautiful gift of hope, dreams and the life we celebrate and will miss every day in our family. So in sharing the heartache and facing the brokenness head on I know I’ll find more strength to continue to show up and face the day, share the sorrows with the joys, the pain with the laughter, the longing with the hope because I’m not the first one walking this path and I won’t be the last, but it’s my story and now our family’s reality that we have a baby in heaven, my children have a sibling in heaven and I am a momma of 5, I hope my story shared openly and with extreme vulnerability brings hope and a reminder that in this story of brokenness there will be chapters of pain, but also chapters where God’s glory and grace shine through, and other chapters where our faith must be bigger than our fears.
Thank you for allowing me to share my heart and my healing as it comes. I’ve always say we are each on our own a journey, taking it one step at a time knowing we will run into struggles, fears, doubt, but honestly I never gave thought about loss and grief on my journey until this past week and it has me frozen in time, yet hopeful for tomorrow. I can’t explain why except I feel He was preparing me for this moment for years from my morning moments with Him, to my community of women that I hold dear and have stood with me this week, my own healthy mindset and health, yes I want to crumble, hide, cry and scream, but I also want to get up and fight, fight for so much more than what was taken from me this past week.
Joy
